Friday, April 26, 2013
Verse to dwell on this weekend!
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:18
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Is there hope in life's storms?
In May 2010 I was faced with a life altering circumstance in my life. I had a brain hemorrhage that was lingering in my brain affecting my balance, walking and cognition. I was faced with emergency brain surgery... At the time of this I was a full time ER Nurse, a wife and Mother of 2 young boys, at the prime of my life and career. This could not have come at the worst time, but how do you time these things?
So as it turns out I had brain surgery. I woke up able to move my legs and function again... As I look back on my journey I see now that God is preparing me for something much bigger here on earth and still to come.... Jeremiah 29:11 speaks to my heart, God does have a plan in my life and will sustain me, take care of me and help me along this journey... When this all occurred I was asking God why? Who wouldn't right? It's natural to ask these questions when we face these storms in our lives.... But at 37, I was not prepared for the journey that was about to come my way....
Looking back....
It all started at 13 years old with migraines that were debilitating to say the least... I was diagnosed as having atypical migraines and prescribed migraine medication. Often I was in the ER with blinding migraines, stroke-like in nature, at times I could not talk or remember or recall objects or remember how to use a telephone, numbness in one arm, one side of face and vision completely distorted. At times I would go to bed when they came on for hours at a time, often I would wake up and be better to only find myself back to square one only an hour later. Sometimes I would go days without one migraine but they would often return and come and go for days and days. I learned quickly how to adapt to this in my life. As life went on, I learned how to live like this and thought it was "my normal" (maybe everyone lives this way- I often thought)....
So as time went on, I aged and came to live with the "Me" that was my norm in life and dealt with life around it. I found when I was under stress or ate different or over slept or under slept or did anything different things got worse... There were times when I would actually go months without migraines!
In 2003 I became pregnant with my first Son and realized quickly that this would only make my migraines worse... At 5 mo. and on I had them almost daily and it became hard to function but again it was the norm to me and I accepted it never questioned them. I had a normal birth and healthy small boy almost 6 weeks early!
In 2007 I became pregnant again with my second son and also found out at about 6 months into pregnancy that my migraines increased and so did my blood pressure! I was working in the ER when I became pregnant the second time at about 4 mo. into my pregnancy I decided to stop working due to nausea and preterm labor fun... Fast forward to 8.5 months pregnant I got a blinding migraine, one of the worst I've had in years and I was brought into L&D could not even see right. They took me right in and helped me as it seemed I was in preterm Labor, so to stop the Labor the migraine was treated with heavy duty medications. It wasn't fun and I was sad about it because I was afraid of the medication effects on my son. It helped but the next day things started up again and Labor began. There was nothing we could do, he came and I survived-- thank GOD but realizing now that my Malformation was bleeding just really sobers me up and leads me to be thankful to God I made it and everything went OK...
Later in the year I started noticing my legs were weak off and on and I would get these "shock waves" through out my body often. Ringing in my ears started and TMJ symptoms reared their ugly head. It was my Dentist later in 2010 or late 2009 that said Neurologically he believed something was going on and urged me to see a Neurologist. Did I ? NOPE.... I just believed it was my normal migraine stuff that was always coming around. And by the way Nurses and other Medical Professionals are your worst patients and tend to ignore symptoms....
After Matthew was born in 07 I went to see a Dr. whom did all kinds of tests on my and did notice my Sed Rate was elevated (inflammatory response) but everything else was fine. He thought my body was just overly fatigued from having a baby and nursing. So I accepted that and moved on. After Nursing my youngest Matt for 2 years (my goal) I decided it was time to go back to work, I missed work... I love being an ER Nurse, love, love, love it! I love the way it works there, you treat them and they are discharged or sent somewhere else and you move on. After going back to work I felt whole again and I felt fulfilled again. In late 2009 my leg weakness that was coming and going had returned along with the shock waves I would feel, I thought for sure I had MS! I had all the symptoms and there are some distant relatives that have this too, so I felt like I was on the right track. I did see my Dr. about this and he agreed something wasn't right but I still was not ready to see a Neurologist, I guess I was in denial about the seriousness of my symptoms. I knew in my heart that I had a serious problem. I even remember back in 2003 joking around with my friend about having a brain tumor!!!! How right I would be later is the scary part of all this... So as 09 progressed, so did my symptoms, I started loosing focus, finding my vision was blurry, my personality changed- I was very crabby and annoyed easily, I was stumbling... In 2010 April I started falling, I would get stuck in a "dazed" state, forget things, vision very blurry, ice -pick headaches, pressure in my head, waking up in middle of the night in a panic, right side of my body was getting injured a lot because I had right side neglect, running into things, weakness in my legs was horrendous and so on and so on. I went to my Dr. and collapsed in his office. I could not even open my eyes at this point. He sent me to the Hospital and this is where the real drama starts. In the CT Scanner, 1/2 way through they stopped, I head the people talking for what seemed like a long time. I knew they found something, I was scared. The Tech came in and said I need to start an IV, we see something there in your brain and we need to give you IV Contrast so that we can get a better look. I knew already it was bad so I just agreed and 30 min later I was being rushed to ER--> my work buddies, so that I could be transferred out of ER to a big Hospital better prepared to deal with me.
More to come........
So as it turns out I had brain surgery. I woke up able to move my legs and function again... As I look back on my journey I see now that God is preparing me for something much bigger here on earth and still to come.... Jeremiah 29:11 speaks to my heart, God does have a plan in my life and will sustain me, take care of me and help me along this journey... When this all occurred I was asking God why? Who wouldn't right? It's natural to ask these questions when we face these storms in our lives.... But at 37, I was not prepared for the journey that was about to come my way....
Looking back....
It all started at 13 years old with migraines that were debilitating to say the least... I was diagnosed as having atypical migraines and prescribed migraine medication. Often I was in the ER with blinding migraines, stroke-like in nature, at times I could not talk or remember or recall objects or remember how to use a telephone, numbness in one arm, one side of face and vision completely distorted. At times I would go to bed when they came on for hours at a time, often I would wake up and be better to only find myself back to square one only an hour later. Sometimes I would go days without one migraine but they would often return and come and go for days and days. I learned quickly how to adapt to this in my life. As life went on, I learned how to live like this and thought it was "my normal" (maybe everyone lives this way- I often thought)....
So as time went on, I aged and came to live with the "Me" that was my norm in life and dealt with life around it. I found when I was under stress or ate different or over slept or under slept or did anything different things got worse... There were times when I would actually go months without migraines!
In 2003 I became pregnant with my first Son and realized quickly that this would only make my migraines worse... At 5 mo. and on I had them almost daily and it became hard to function but again it was the norm to me and I accepted it never questioned them. I had a normal birth and healthy small boy almost 6 weeks early!
In 2007 I became pregnant again with my second son and also found out at about 6 months into pregnancy that my migraines increased and so did my blood pressure! I was working in the ER when I became pregnant the second time at about 4 mo. into my pregnancy I decided to stop working due to nausea and preterm labor fun... Fast forward to 8.5 months pregnant I got a blinding migraine, one of the worst I've had in years and I was brought into L&D could not even see right. They took me right in and helped me as it seemed I was in preterm Labor, so to stop the Labor the migraine was treated with heavy duty medications. It wasn't fun and I was sad about it because I was afraid of the medication effects on my son. It helped but the next day things started up again and Labor began. There was nothing we could do, he came and I survived-- thank GOD but realizing now that my Malformation was bleeding just really sobers me up and leads me to be thankful to God I made it and everything went OK...
Later in the year I started noticing my legs were weak off and on and I would get these "shock waves" through out my body often. Ringing in my ears started and TMJ symptoms reared their ugly head. It was my Dentist later in 2010 or late 2009 that said Neurologically he believed something was going on and urged me to see a Neurologist. Did I ? NOPE.... I just believed it was my normal migraine stuff that was always coming around. And by the way Nurses and other Medical Professionals are your worst patients and tend to ignore symptoms....
After Matthew was born in 07 I went to see a Dr. whom did all kinds of tests on my and did notice my Sed Rate was elevated (inflammatory response) but everything else was fine. He thought my body was just overly fatigued from having a baby and nursing. So I accepted that and moved on. After Nursing my youngest Matt for 2 years (my goal) I decided it was time to go back to work, I missed work... I love being an ER Nurse, love, love, love it! I love the way it works there, you treat them and they are discharged or sent somewhere else and you move on. After going back to work I felt whole again and I felt fulfilled again. In late 2009 my leg weakness that was coming and going had returned along with the shock waves I would feel, I thought for sure I had MS! I had all the symptoms and there are some distant relatives that have this too, so I felt like I was on the right track. I did see my Dr. about this and he agreed something wasn't right but I still was not ready to see a Neurologist, I guess I was in denial about the seriousness of my symptoms. I knew in my heart that I had a serious problem. I even remember back in 2003 joking around with my friend about having a brain tumor!!!! How right I would be later is the scary part of all this... So as 09 progressed, so did my symptoms, I started loosing focus, finding my vision was blurry, my personality changed- I was very crabby and annoyed easily, I was stumbling... In 2010 April I started falling, I would get stuck in a "dazed" state, forget things, vision very blurry, ice -pick headaches, pressure in my head, waking up in middle of the night in a panic, right side of my body was getting injured a lot because I had right side neglect, running into things, weakness in my legs was horrendous and so on and so on. I went to my Dr. and collapsed in his office. I could not even open my eyes at this point. He sent me to the Hospital and this is where the real drama starts. In the CT Scanner, 1/2 way through they stopped, I head the people talking for what seemed like a long time. I knew they found something, I was scared. The Tech came in and said I need to start an IV, we see something there in your brain and we need to give you IV Contrast so that we can get a better look. I knew already it was bad so I just agreed and 30 min later I was being rushed to ER--> my work buddies, so that I could be transferred out of ER to a big Hospital better prepared to deal with me.
More to come........
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